Asy's Thoughts on Change


    I am so tired of listening to people tell me how horrible their life is and about how they can't do anything about it.

    Bullshit.

    While it may feel good to whine, in the end, all of the decisions that people make are in the end dictated by their own thoughts and actions.  No one in this world can force you to do anything- you always have a choice.

    Of course, the smart ass response to this is- "What if someone has a gun to my head and is telling me to eat the cheerios?"  Well, you can A:)eat the cheerios or B:)let someone shoot you and watch your brains splatter on the sidewalk.  The choice still exists- the consequences may not be pleasant, but you still can exert control over what happens next.

    The biggest obstacle to changing negative situations is the person in the situation.  For instance, let's take relationship issues.  

    I'm not taking the "consistent element of all your dissatisfying relationships is you" angle.  I don't feel that to be entirely true.  It does take two people to have a relationship and it also takes two to keep one.  It's not easy dealing with another person full-time.  

    But at the same time, I see a lot of people I know (particularly women, I admit) entering into relationships and expecting their partner to change.  And because the other person won't change, they become upset because the relationship didn't morph into what they were originally expecting.  (I'm guilty of this myself.)  But if you want a relationship to change, then you're going to have to change yourself.  Don't expect the other person to do it- it's not going to happen.  And if it does, it won't last.

    And this happens in sibling, parent, friendship relationships as well.

    In the end, it all comes down to you.

    Which brings me to my next point, which is justification for your actions.  

    I have been listening to a couple different people lately asking me what they should do with various life decisions.  While I try to be a good ear, I don't say much as to what path they should take with their life.  It's simply not mine to live.

    What I'm saying is that I feel that individuals should look at the choices that they do make and make those choices for themselves.  In the end, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of your decision but you.  You're the one who will have to live with it.  The same goes for an inability to make a choice.  

    Why base your self-validation and decision making abilities on the opinions of others?  Are those people really going to make decisions that are right for you?

    Probably not.  They're probably thinking of what they would do or which would be the quickest way to get you to shut up.  Or they're watching TV or they're struggling with their own thoughts.  

    Having said this, there is a difference between talking to someone about your problems and actually refusing to make choices for your life.  I do think that sharing the things you're thinking about is a good idea but asking for constant guidance and depending on it is not.  If you need help, or you think you need help, get it.  But get it and don't just talk about it.

    And if all else fails, you can always drill a hole in your skull to let the air in.


Muttering hypocritically since 1978,

    Asy